查克·诺里斯, about to get his ass kicked. 查克·诺里斯 has vulnerabilities too.

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MOre关于Chuck: 查克·诺里斯 Fearers (Hate Mail) | 20个暧昧的查克诺里斯事实 | 搬运,查克诺里斯


  1. 查克·诺里斯' semen cures cancer. Too bad he has AIDS.
  2. 查克·诺里斯 does not sleep. He lies awake in regret.
  3. 查克·诺里斯 is currently suing ABC, claiming Hope & Faith are trademarked names for his left and right breasts.
  4. Chuck Norris的主要出口是腹泻。
  5. 如果你能看到Chuck Norris,他可以看到你。如果你看不到Chuck Norris,你可能无法意识到他的实际老化了多少。
  6. 查克·诺里斯 attempted to count to infinity. Backwards. He didn't know where to start.
  7. 查克·诺里斯 does not hunt because the word hunting implies the chance of success. Chuck Norris wanders around aimlessly with a gun.
  8. 查克·诺里斯' blood type is AK-47. The gun. It is compatible only with bullets. Chuck Norris is full of holes.
  9. 查克·诺里斯 is 1/8th Grand Cherokee. This has nothing to do with ancestry, the man drives a fucking Jeep.
  10. 在农民的最后一页的精细印刷中,它指出,年的降雨数据不包括查克诺里斯的泪水,而书中列出的数字只是最接近的人已经得到了减去了这种压倒性的过剩。


谈到Chuck Norris的时候,术语事实是制造和完全毫无思想陈述的首字母缩写。

查克·诺里斯 and Superman once fought on a bet. Loser had to start wearing a silly cowboy hat.

查克·诺里斯 doesn't read books. He stares at them… and drools.

查克·诺里斯 once saved the world from a zombie apocalypse. When the zombies came to eat his brains, they starved to death.

查克·诺里斯 used to count sheep to fall asleep, but they kept making him horny.

查克·诺里斯 didn't actually shave his beard. He held up a pair of child safety scissors and his beard retreated under his skin.

你不能击败Chuck Norris并踢到腹股沟。没有什么可以在那里击中。

查克·诺里斯 once tried to imitate Jackie Chan by doing all his own stunts. That lasted until Chuck stubbed his toe and nearly bled to death.

查克·诺里斯 once sold his soul to the Devil, who then auctioned it off to Mike Huckabee. Okay, that's actually not a joke.

查克·诺里斯 dresses up like a cowboy because, like cattle, he generates a lot of methane and even more bullshit.

查克·诺里斯 and Donald Trump once walked into a bar together. The building immediately exploded, because that much raw egotism cannot be contained in one place.

查克·诺里斯 is a creationist because he's in denial about the fact that he wouldn't have been born without some drunkard screwing a monkey.

查克·诺里斯 has two speeds: walk, and curl up into a fetal position.


查克·诺里斯 once attempted autoerotic asphyxiation like David Carradine. Fortunately, he doesn't have any brain cells that require oxygen.

查克·诺里斯 tries to force his religious beliefs on others because he figures everyone else enjoys having things shoved up their ass and down their throat as much as he does.

查克·诺里斯 recently asked Steven Seagal how he manages to stay in such great shape.


查克·诺里斯 never takes a shit. Shit takes a Chuck Norris.

查克·诺里斯 actually created a second martial art. It's called Dil Do, the art of fucking oneself.

森林战士显示Chuck Norris如何转化为不同的动物。有一天,他变成了一只傻瓜,忘了如何改变回来。


查克·诺里斯 once had ribs removed so he could lick his own ass. He promptly got his head stuck in there.


查克·诺里斯 once went back in time and became his own father. It was force of habit.

查克·诺里斯 peaked in high school. That's not a mistake, he was held back until age 40.

查克·诺里斯 visited baby Jesus, but was kicked out of the manger for what he tried to do to the sheep.

查克·诺里斯 once pointed with his finger and shouted, “BANG!”妓女回答说,“这仍然会花费你。”

查克·诺里斯 does not cut his grass. It all withered when he breathed on it.

查克·诺里斯 regularly eats at Chick-Fil-A. He loves stuffing his mouth with hot, greasy cock.

查克·诺里斯 once tried to cash in on the Pokémon craze, but was arrested for offering to show kids his “pocket monster.”

查克·诺里斯 had a paper route growing up. He once lost the seat to his bicycle, but found he enjoyed it more that way.

如果你问Chuck Norris是什么时候,你必须等几个小时,直到他通过他的手表。

查克·诺里斯 actually died 12 years ago. He certainly smells like it, and his level of brain function is a clear indication.

查克·诺里斯 doesn't flush the toilet. He enjoys the smell of his own shit so much, he saves it for later so he can stick his head in and inhale deeply.

查克·诺里斯 doesn't count to infinity. He just tells people to measure his stupidity.

查克·诺里斯 has already been to Mars. Scientists are still searching for signs of intelligent life in space.

查克·诺里斯 once tried roundhouse kicking a horse in the ass. He ended up breaking his bathroom mirror.

查克·诺里斯 doesn't eat food. He's already too full of himself.


查克·诺里斯 can escape from a black hole. That's because he's completely lacking in substance.

查克·诺里斯 is the reason why Waldo is hiding. They started a game of hide-and-seek as kids, and Chuck never finished counting to ten.



查克·诺里斯 once played Russian Roulette with a fully loaded gun and won. He was aiming it at his head, which contains no vital organs.

查克·诺里斯 only hates Muslims because whenever they greet him in Arabic, he thinks they're telling him to lick a salami.

当Alexander Graham Bell发明了电话时,他已经来自Chuck Norris的3条消息,他在另一部电影表演中致电电话。


查克·诺里斯 once tried marketing inspirational WWCND bracelets. However, they had to be recalled after customers kept getting the bracelets lodged in their rectum.




查克·诺里斯 can't make a snowman out of raindrops, but he can make a mountain out of bullshit.

查克·诺里斯 denies evolution because it implies everything evolved from a lower life form, like how humans evolved from apes, and rocks evolved from Chuck Norris.

当Chuck Norris完成俯卧撑时,他们必须停止相机,因此舞台船员可以进入并取下特技线。


查克·诺里斯 has so many STDs that even James Bond has advised him to start using protection.

查克·诺里斯 once farted in an elevator. There were no survivors.

查克·诺里斯 once contracted leprosy. He then made the painful mistake of jerking off.

查克·诺里斯 is like the God of Revelation: vengeful, wrathful, and wants to spend an eternity with 144,000 male virgins.

查克·诺里斯 once auditioned for a part in Game of Thrones. However, fans complained that now the show had one too many boobs.

查克·诺里斯 wishes he could run around the Earth and punch himself in the back of the head. It's the only way he can think to dislodge all the crayons he stuffs up his nose.

视频游戏开发人员在他们的战斗比赛中试图在Chuck Norris上基于更多的角色。然而,没有人可以弄清楚他的肖像,因为他太一定了。

查克·诺里斯粉丝喜欢威胁他,他会亲自殴打他所有的批评者和批评者。换句话说,他们只尊重他,如果他与Uwe Boll的所有尊严,自由裁量权和完整性行为。

查克·诺里斯 learned everything he ever needed to know in college. He attended the Creationist University of Natural Theology.


查克·诺里斯 once drank Dracula's blood. Not because he was trying to outdo the vampire; he just likes to ingest male bodily fluids.


查克·诺里斯 discovered the location of Cheney's secret underground bunker. When the Secret Service questioned him about it, he said he's just very good at sniffing out Dick.



查克·诺里斯 destroyed the periodic table. After all, his first and usually only instinct is to smash anything he doesn't understand.

查克·诺里斯 once broke his leg to compete in the Special Olympics. The judges were too late to stop him to tell him that his test results came in, and he's already overqualified.


查克·诺里斯 once overdosed on Viagra. However, the only thing that got stiff and wooden was his acting.

查克·诺里斯 once tried steroids. He had his sparring buddies inject him in the ass. He would later administer the steroids.


查克·诺里斯 once tried to run for political office. However, voters got upset after he kissed their hands and shook their babies.

查克·诺里斯 always takes a pair of tweezers with him to the bathroom. It's not for cosmetic purposes though, it's just the only way he can aim when he takes a leak.




当Chuck Norris落入水中时,他们必须加入原始的污水和工业废物,以便清洁干净。

查克·诺里斯 is an anti-vaxxer because of the hypodermic needles. For some reason, all those tiny pricks make him feel insecure.


查克·诺里斯 beat the sun in a staring contest. That's because his optic nerves aren't attached to anything.

查克·诺里斯 works out 25 hours a day. Or at least that's the figure he came up with after failing basic arithmetic.

查克·诺里斯 tried to prove once and for all that he could pound a pussy. He ended up losing a fight to a six-week old kitten.


查克·诺里斯 will never have a heart attack. That's because in place of a heart he has a second gall bladder, to store all the bile he spews on a daily basis.


查克·诺里斯 can speak Braille and Morse Code. Seriously. Just ask him what's on his mind at any given time and he'll stare blankly and go “…”

查克·诺里斯 doesn't worry about high gas prices. He produces more than enough gas on his own.

查克·诺里斯 doesn't have good aim. The bad guys fall down because they're standing downwind of him.

查克·诺里斯 solves all his problems with violence. One time he ended up bashing his head into a wall for days to cure a headache brought on by bashing his head into a wall.

它需要Chuck Norris半小时观看60分钟的一集,因为他无法保留任何过去的信息。




查克·诺里斯 doesn't call the wrong number. His receiver is always off the hook.

查克·诺里斯 has been known to defy the laws of physics. For example, he manages to be both completely shallow and full of shit at the same time.

查克·诺里斯 once wrote an article for the American Family Association, a known hate group. To be fair, Chuck thought AFA stood for Anal Fisters Anonymous.

查克·诺里斯 is immune to pain. The nerve signals in his body have nowhere to go.


当Chuck Norris从破碎的下颚恢复时,他试图说,“我出生在海盗船上!”当然,每个人都相信他。

死亡有一个近夹头的诺里斯经验。由于死亡的医生解释说,当你遭受创伤性脑损伤时,死亡的脑细胞越多,你越靠近Chuck Norris。

当Chuck Norris想要一个鸡蛋时,他开辟了鸡肉。然后他变得困惑,为什么他不能再有更多的鸡蛋。

虽然吹嘘他的无所不能和全能,但如果他可以说出一件事,夹子答应了一个对手的夹克诺里斯不能做。对手回答说,“Get lost.”Chuck Norris然后消失在逻辑上。


除了唱自己的主题歌之外,Chuck Norris还还有其他音乐人才。他已知花了几个小时练习皮肤长笛。

警察拉了一次Chuck Norris。显然夹头在路上保持追尾其他驾驶者。当然,这与他可怕的驾驶无关。


查克·诺里斯 is currently suing NBC, claiming he's already trademarked the name “The Biggest Loser.”

当你说,“No one's perfect,”Chuck Norris将此作为个人侮辱,并反驳他是一个完美的混蛋。


查克·诺里斯 doesn't spell words wrong. “Wrong”为他写出来太复杂了。


当Chuck Norris解决填字游戏时,他没有阅读问题。他只是写道“UHHHHH”每一个答案。


查克·诺里斯 didn't really die when Bruce Lee broke his neck. That's because Chuck Norris has no spine.

也许唯一可以杀死Chuck Norris的唯一的东西是Chuck Norris。从那一天开始,他将永远是他所有的粉丝的英雄。

查克·诺里斯 once made a happy meal cry. It had never seen anything so pathetic after he ate the toy and played with the food.


当Chuck Norris在健身房锻炼时,他没有从机器上进行皮疹。机器从查克诺里斯获得皮疹。

一些超市更改其产品的日期,以便在到期后销售它们。 Chuck Norris的代理人已经知道同样的事情。


查克·诺里斯's calendar goes straight from March 31st to April 2nd. He finds April 1st redundant, because he makes a fool of himself every single day of the year.

查克·诺里斯 doesn't brush his teeth. He needs to rub them with peanut butter to remind himself to open his mouth to breathe.

查克·诺里斯 can believe it's not butter. He should know, he uses it as anal lube all the time.

根据他的粉丝,唯一知道的女同性恋者的治疗方法是Chuck Norris。这没有意义。如何用一个巨大的行走假阳具向他们展示什么?

原始标题“Street Fighter Alpha” was going to be “夹子诺里斯的产卵。”这是CAPCOM决定使丹主角的主角。

查克·诺里斯 can slam revolving doors. On his face. He has yet to figure out how they work.

查克·诺里斯 has a grizzly bear rug in his living room. The bear isn't dead, its ass is just too sore to walk.

科学家试图计算一个Chuck Norris Roundhouse踢的总能量,但他们必须提出一个能够测量它的新单位。因此,普朗克的常量。

查克·诺里斯 always brings his headphones when he goes jogging. He uses a custom recording that goes, “左,右,左,右…”提醒他放置他的脚。

查克·诺里斯 likes to show off that he can stretch a diamond back into coal. He doesn't realize that it isn't coal though, because everything he touches turns to shit.

查克·诺里斯 expresses so many bigoted religious views, he puts the “fundament” in “fundamentalist.”

查克·诺里斯 can hit you from across the room with his roundhouse kick. His body is so withered and decayed that his leg often detaches from the hip and goes flying.


当Chuck Norris Roundhouse踢空气时,有人仍然受伤。但只有他们忘记在甲烷云到达它们之前拔掉鼻子。


如果你指出布鲁斯李踢了查克诺里斯的屁股,查克诺里斯粉丝的回复,“是的,但布鲁斯李现在已经死了!”那好吧。尽管自1973年以来,Bruce Lee仍然可以踢Chuck Norris的屁股。


如果看起来像鸡,感觉就像鸡一样,像鸡一样品尝,但查克诺里斯说这是牛肉 - 只是忽略他,很可能是痴呆症的早期迹象。


查克·诺里斯 thumps his Bible so hard, it's taken out a restraining order against him.

查克·诺里斯 once urinated in the fuel tank of an F-15 Eagle jet as a joke. Today that jet is known as Starscream.




领先的手动消毒者声称他们可以杀死99.9%的细菌。这只是因为他们尚未测试在Chuck Norris上生长的东西。

查克·诺里斯 had sex with the Internet and fathered two illegitimate children. Their names are Mary Sue and Gary Stu.


查克·诺里斯 can't do a roundhouse kick anymore, just an ordinary House kick, as in the only kind of kick Dr. Gregory House could pull off.

当Chuck Norris是第一次训练成为牛仔时,他花了一段时间来学习他应该骑马,而不是另外一边。

查克·诺里斯 Fantards说,美国不是民主,这是一个“Chucktatorship.”换句话说,如果Chuck Norris剥夺了宪法的每一部分,那么宪法的宪法的每一部分都太大了。


查克·诺里斯 can speak every language, at the same time, in the same sentence. No really. Just ask him to find his own ass with both hands and a flashlight, and he'll say, “Huh?”


查克·诺里斯 doesn't beg to differ, he tells you what's right, but first he needs to consult with his pastor or Infowars.com.

甚至Chuck Norris都不会坐在Chin,香港的星星97。毕竟,如果有一件事Chuck Norris无法抗拒,那就是脸上的球。





查克·诺里斯's dog is trained to pick up his own poop. Now if only his dog could teach Chuck Norris to do the same when they're out on their walks.

查克·诺里斯 has left entire cities depopulated. In other news, Chuck Norris will never be allowed to swim in the city reservoir again.

查克·诺里斯 is an avid bear hunter. Before he goes out, he always soaks himself from head to toe in bear urine. This has nothing to do with the hunting though.

嫉妒他们的特色是基于Bruce Lee和Jean Claude Van Damme的特征,但不是他,Chuck Norris强迫Netherrealm Studios在主导作用中与他产生战斗比赛。由此产生的翻转标题为更加沉闷的Kombat。

查克·诺里斯 can punch a hurricane in the eye. Then again, calm empty air is the only thing he can punch without breaking his hand.

查克·诺里斯 thinks he can divide by zero, but all he's proving is that the limit of the function 1/x as x approaches zero is the measure of his stupidity.

查克·诺里斯's computer has no Backspace, Control, or Escape keys. Not after he swallowed them, thinking they were candy.

John Boehner和Glenn Beck叫Chuck Norris是他们见过的最大的Crybaby。

查克·诺里斯 wants creationism taught in public schools, so that the next generation becomes a bunch of uneducated idiots. It's the only way he knows to level the playing field.

根据他的粉丝,没有任何人Chuck Norris不会在脸上踢。所有武术学校都教导他们的技术只应该用于防止合法威胁。通过该逻辑,没有任何对Chuck Norris构成合法威胁的人。

查克·诺里斯 tried to prove he could bowl a perfect game with a marble. Too bad he's lost them all.

查克·诺里斯 is so nutty that people who read his Worldnetdaily column are advised to carry epi-pens at all times.

如果Chuck Norris是电影300中的斯巴达,他们必须归结为1。另一个跳毛板不可能站在一个缺乏肠道控制的人旁边的威拉曼克。

查克·诺里斯 is so homophobic that he's called for a ban on British cigarettes, and bundles of sticks.

查克·诺里斯 once tried to send an email, but realized it would be faster to walk instead. This is after it took him six weeks to figure out how to open his web browser.


来自Chuck Norris的最佳地点是普通的视线。那是因为任何没有Chuck Norris的人都在他的通知之下。

它需要Chuck Norris两个计算器来加上他的智商,因为他通常会打破第一个试图弄清楚如何打开它。他通过这种方式经历了很多太阳能计算器。

根据Chuck Norris的说法,他希望在花费3颗星中明星来证明他仍然能够踢掉名字和屁股。


从来没有,永远让Chuck Norris借了一把厨房钳子来检索丢失的物品,特别是如果他在他的内衣,走路搞笑并抓着他的下腹部。


查克·诺里斯长期以来一直认为没有什么比Chuck Norris更好。然而,有一天,他无意中无家可归的人说发霉的面包总比没有好。愤怒,夹头出去殴打一块发霉的面包。

查克·诺里斯 is so homophobic, he refers to himself as a Hetero sapiens. Science was never his strong suit though. His actual genus is Pan.

查克·诺里斯 prides himself on being 100% self-sufficient. After every workout, he drinks his own breast milk.

查克·诺里斯 opposes same-sex marriage. Whenever he sees two gay men, he can't help but picture how they look in bed. One has nothing to do with the other though.

查克·诺里斯隐藏在他的壁橱里,Chuck Norris拥有一个夹克诺里斯的充气橡胶娃娃。他的话要说,他花了很多时间在壁橱里。

查克·诺里斯 can hold his breath indefinitely. Not on purpose though, this happened when someone put a mirror at the bottom of his swimming pool.


查克·诺里斯 rejects the theory of evolution, because the fact that someone with his level of mental impairment has avoided natural selection for so long is a miracle.


医生试图给Chuck Norris是一个Colostomy包,但有一个问题。每次他填满它,他都会失去他体重的95%。

查克·诺里斯和Bruce Lee之间,就像提醒一样,其中一个人需要一个长长的诽谤,不必要的笑话,以装饰他的成就?


查克·诺里斯 Animal Facts

查克·诺里斯 taught caterpillars how to turn into butterflies.

作为一个孩子,Chuck Norris用真正的河马玩了饥饿的饥饿的河马。对于每一寸的河马公鸡吸了,你收到了一点。但是查克诺里斯曾经收到了一个自动60分和一生的不可持续流行,让河马的阴毛和热抚摸着他的脸。

牧羊人曾经不小心把咖啡洒在Chuck Norris'的腿上,并拒绝道歉。查克诺里斯去了男人的领域,搞砸了他的每只羊。查克诺里斯并不试图回到他身边,他只是喜欢妈妈。

查克·诺里斯 can't have a dog because dogs are allergic to Chuck Norris.

查克·诺里斯 raped my dog. And then my youth. And then my dog again.

查克·诺里斯 uses live rattlesnakes as condoms. Tiny, baby rattlesnakes.

查克·诺里斯 once ate a dog because he couldn't find the can opener in his new cabinets.

查克·诺里斯 is seen at the pet store weekly buying gerbils. He then stuffs them up his ass.

查克·诺里斯 Fighting Facts:

查克·诺里斯 once attempted round house kicking Jet Li. His leg broke when it connected with the television, then he fell and broke his hip.

查克·诺里斯 keeps a dick up his ass as much as possible to keep Jet Li from kicking it.

查克·诺里斯 refuses to fight in the Octagon; he will only step foot in the Decagon because there are more corners where he can cower in fear.

查克·诺里斯 often joins beginner karate classes, just so that he can “accidentally”把狗屎踢出小孩。


查克·诺里斯 punctuates all his roundhouse kicks with a period. The bloody kind.





无论夹克诺里斯打开多少幸运饼干,他们总是说“Fight like a girl.”

查克·诺里斯 once completed a roundhouse kick so powerfully that all the hair from the top of his head ended up on his face. This is also the origin of his cowboy hat, a mark of shame.


查克·诺里斯 will fight you any time of the day. Except when “The View” is on.

查克·诺里斯's second most lethal art is face painting.

查克·诺里斯 once lost a fight to a paraplegic because “他的chi太强大了。”

在第二次世界大战期间,Chuck Norris曾经试图通过将手指指向他并大喊大叫杀死纳粹士兵“Bang!”

在1248年,愤怒的村民们闯入查克诺里斯的城堡,意图焚烧他。 Chuck开始哭泣像一个小女孩和暴徒,感觉越来越尴尬,分散并同意他们在他们中再也没有提到这一事件。

查克·诺里斯 doesn't go hunting because hunting implies that you might kill something. Chuck Norris goes bird watching.

查克·诺里斯 changed his name to Chuck in 1972 because he was in fact the Charlie we were searching for in ‘Nam.

Steven Segal曾经拍过了一间全球健身房,并用夹克诺里斯的屁股夯实。侧身。查克诺里斯从未畏缩过。

查克·诺里斯 has been shot by Chuck Bronson twelve times.

对于Chuck Norris来说,Roundhouse踢不是签名的举措,它只是他可以欣赏他的高中啦啦队日的最接近的举动,他非常想念。

查克·诺里斯 once backed out of Celebrity Boxing, fearing the wrath of Gary Coleman.

查克·诺里斯 had his penis surgically removed in order to make his roundhouse kicks higher.

查克·诺里斯 once took a kick to the balls and didn't flinch. Chuck Norris does not have Balls.

查克·诺里斯 once fought Vin Diesel…并绝对搞砸了。

查克·诺里斯 once stopped mid round-house kick because he inexplicably soiled himself.

查克·诺里斯 tried to round-house kick me in the face once, but he’s really old, so I moved out of the way and he fell to the ground and just kind of laid there.

查克·诺里斯 once stayed awake for 30 days atop Mt. Everest awaiting his enemies. Too bad 99% of people die before they reach the top.

查克·诺里斯 Generally Pathetic Facts

查克·诺里斯 wears a size 2 ballet slipper.


查克·诺里斯 always sleeps 8 hours a night, and can be caught cat-napping several times a day.

查克·诺里斯 once ALMOST finished an entire double-mocha frappuccino latte at Starbucks, but stopped when he started to feel “woozy.”

查克·诺里斯 changed his name to Chuck Norris because Gaping Bloody Vagina seemed too “butch.”

在上帝的第三天说,“Let there be light.”因为查克诺里斯害怕黑暗。


当查克诺里斯在一个拥挤的地区时,他不会走身走。他走过他们。 Chuck Norris只是一个幽灵。

查克·诺里斯 cries himself to sleep every night, then wakes up to the sounds of his own cries.

查克·诺里斯 was disowned by his father when it was discovered Chuck Norris could do the splits before learning to walk.

查克·诺里斯' real name is Carlos Ray Norris, Jr.

查克·诺里斯 can believe it's not butter.


查克·诺里斯 is credited with the invention of bottled water.


查克·诺里斯 has 11 scrapbooks full of “Love Is” cartoons.

如果你大喊大叫“Chuck Norris”进入大峡谷,它回来了“is a pussy.”

如果你说“Chuck Norris”在13日星期五十三次镜子,查克诺里斯将用斧头展示你。然后他会试图卖给你的斧头以支持他的各种物质上瘾。

查克·诺里斯 is the driving force behind Chuck Norris facts. He has even been caught in public speaking in the third person.

查克·诺里斯 always buys the Double Gulp at 7-11 even though he knows he can't finish it.

查克·诺里斯 adopts orphans from the Asian tsunami disaster, only to make them sit for hours in his pool while he yells at them for not having emotional breakthroughs.

每次Chuck Norris都蜷缩了他的二头肌,天使得到它的翅膀。

查克·诺里斯 manages a Baskin Robbins franchise. It only has access to 23 flavors.

查克·诺里斯 cuts the roof of his mouth when he eats Cap'n Crunch.

查克·诺里斯' pick-up runs on sunshine and puppy's tears. Chuck Norris' truck never starts because “当她走了时,没有阳光,每天只有黑暗。”

查克·诺里斯 fears the Mach 4 razor. He wishes it had softer and fewer blades.

查克·诺里斯' real name is Daniel Goldberg. He is ashamed of his Jewish heritage.

查克·诺里斯 eats dirt because he thinks it is feces. He then takes a sip of gasoline and spits it out, complaining that it doesn't taste enough like urine.

查克·诺里斯, realizing he his career is going down the tube, drowns himself in a gallon of ice cream which is promptly melted by his warm, salty tears.

查克·诺里斯 came up with the idea for his look after many years studying the Brawny paper towel man.

查克·诺里斯 spilled his milk when he was 30. He still cries over it.

查克·诺里斯 wears biker shorts under his kilt.

查克·诺里斯 is the real author of www.chucknorrisfacts.com.

查克·诺里斯 once ordered a Big Mac from Burger King, and got one, because no one wanted to hear him pout about it again.

查克·诺里斯 has a summer home on “Brokeback Mountain.”

查克·诺里斯 lights mini-scented candles around the tub when he takes a bath.

当Chuck Norris在他回答的餐厅提供面包时,“不,谢谢,我正在看碳水化合物。”

查克·诺里斯 voted Bush in the 2000 election.

查克·诺里斯 doesn't shave because he fears the razor.

查克·诺里斯' hair is made from the stolen eyelashes of Cambodian orphans.



查克·诺里斯 pisses Zima.

查克·诺里斯 orders the “side salad with low-fat dressing” at a BBQ joint.

查克·诺里斯 likes to take bubble baths with scented candles.

查克·诺里斯 once got a splinter and was rushed immediately to the ER, screaming “I’m too young to die!” the whole way.

查克·诺里斯’ favorite color is lavender.

查克·诺里斯’ adult diaper is made to withhold 2,000 lbs of pressure per square inch. It breaks on a regular basis.

查克·诺里斯 once became popular for no apparent reason whatsoever.

查克·诺里斯 Health Facts

查克·诺里斯 experiences heavy flow on account of his wide-set vagina.

查克·诺里斯 shaves emoticons into his pubic hair.

查克·诺里斯' beard is actually a merkin. He can't function without a man's pubes on his face.


查克·诺里斯 has fake tits.

查克·诺里斯 was once struck by a van, and miraculously revived at the hospital. His family sued the hospital.

为了获得足够的蛋白质来喂养他的肌肉,Chuck Norris每小时直接射击他的嘴。一位医生告诉他后,精液几乎没有蛋白质,并建议他停止这种做法,夹头杀死了他最艰难的圆屋踢的男人。

查克·诺里斯 wets his bed on a nightly basis because he likes the warm feeling.


查克·诺里斯 once lost to Lance Armstrong in a sperm count.

查克·诺里斯 founded the PEE PEE Wax Club, but was later kicked out after he waxed his penis down to nothing.

当Chuck Norris跳进一个池塘时,Chuck Norris不会弄湿,水变得害怕。

查克·诺里斯 employs a legion of Mexican landscapers to suppress the manly wilderness that is his back.

每次Chuck Norris都会表现出圆形踢,他会弹出两次痔疮。

看到Gigli的人数高于Chuck Norris的白细胞计数。

查克·诺里斯 shampoos with conditioner, and then actually repeats.

查克·诺里斯' DNA is made up of four leaf clovers, unicorns, and smiles.

查克·诺里斯 once got an erection. Nobody noticed.

查克·诺里斯 vs. Jay Leno: Chuck Norris –没有嘴唇,没有下巴。 Jay Leno.–没有嘴唇。 Jay Leno由下巴。


查克·诺里斯 is proud of the facts that his pubes are longer and girthier than his penis.

查克·诺里斯 injects steroids into his upper lip, so that it can bear the weight of his mustache.

查克·诺里斯 puts dye in his beard because he is afraid of grey hairs.

查克·诺里斯 sits down to pee.

查克·诺里斯' vagina is so wide that his thighs don't touch even when his legs are crossed.

查克·诺里斯' poo is pure roughage.


查克·诺里斯’ hip breaking was heard across 12 states.

查克·诺里斯’ inflamed prostate is the size of a watermelon, and produces really gross shit that has no use in any way in modern society.

查克·诺里斯’ catheter bag exploded and flooded one-third of the United States killing millions.

查克·诺里斯 once shook my hand. It felt like I was holding on to 5 wet noodles of spaghetti.


查克·诺里斯 Intelligence Facts

查克·诺里斯 never learned to swim because his family's gene pool was too small.

查克·诺里斯' brain cells cure cancer…太糟糕了,他没有大脑。

查克·诺里斯 always judges a book by its cover.

查克·诺里斯 once hid his cornflakes in a safe because he heard a serial killer was on the loose.

到这一天,查克诺里斯仍在洗头发,因为洗发水瓶说“REPEAT” after “Lather and rinse.”

查克·诺里斯' IQ test came back negative. Most people thought he'd score lower.

查克·诺里斯 once challenged 史蒂夫希尔 写竞赛。史蒂夫希尔赢了。


当Chuck Norris生气时,他发现了一个旋转的门,并试图猛地抨击它。不可避免地,门摆动并踢他的屁股。

查克·诺里斯 thinks Hooters is an exclusive hangout for people with huge pick-up trucks.

查克·诺里斯 once tried snorting Coke, but the ice cubes got stuck in his nose.


查克·诺里斯 once painted a portrait of himself. He only used 3 colors. Nobody said anything.

1995年1月12日Chuck Norris刮胡子。 1995年1月13日Chuck Norris向自己提起了一名失踪者索赔。


查克·诺里斯 tried to copyright the copyright symbol. It was the first time the employees at the United States Patent and Trademark Office have ever laughed.

查克·诺里斯 bet on Poland in both World Wars.

查克·诺里斯 was kicked out of the CIA because he was unable to come up with a better codename than “Nuck Chorris.”为了侮辱伤害,它是

查克·诺里斯 is an avid reader. He proudly owns all first edition copies of “保姆俱乐部。”

查克·诺里斯 was once trapped in a paper bag for 3 days.

查克·诺里斯 caused Hurricane Katrina and encouraged George W. Bush to let Michael Brown handle it.

查克·诺里斯 didn't go to college, but his mom went to college!

查克·诺里斯 wrote the Bible. Nice one, Chuck.

查克·诺里斯 majored in liberal arts. It was his first choice.

查克·诺里斯 Movie Facts

查克·诺里斯 turned down Tom Hanks' role in Philadelphia because, he said, “它靠近同性恋… I mean home.”

查克·诺里斯 loses bladder control while watching scenes from Death Wish III that feature the epitome of masculinity, Charles Bronson.

当他们要求查克诺里斯在贝尔山区2时,他简单地说“How many sex scenes?”

查克·诺里斯 auditioned for the T-800 part in the Terminator, but was refuted when it was discovered that he was part man, part cyborg himself.
在他制造的机器上,Chuck Norris组装了官方查克诺里斯假阳具,具有自我描述的机器“12英寸的行动和兴奋!”

查克·诺里斯 starred in “Firewalker,”一部电影,他不会着火。

查克·诺里斯' recites a line from The Notebook as his finishing move in a scrapped version of Mortal Kombat.


查克·诺里斯在侧面伙伴上,要求Jonathan Brandis调整他的表演技巧,以便查克诺里斯看起来不会那么糟糕。 Chuck Norris使用第三个人试图欺骗Jonathan Brandis思考,请求不是在Chuck Norris的教会中。

查克·诺里斯 has a signed poster of Vin Diesel directly above his bed. Sadly, Chuck Norris does not realize that the signature is a mass-produced mechanical replica.

查克·诺里斯 gets carded for PG-13 movies, including his own.


“Brokeback Mountain”是基于Chuck Norris的生活的事件。

查克·诺里斯 gave a thumbs up on “Dodgeball”因为他以为威廉·夏特纳问他。

查克·诺里斯 was the studio's original choice to play Brandon Teena in the movie, “Boys Don't Cry.”Hilary Swank取代了他,因为考试受众发现他比8个吹牛9个家伙成为Gayer。


查克·诺里斯 once burned his lips on the tailpipe of a car while trying to blow it up for a movie.

查克·诺里斯 has agreed to star in Brokeback Mountain 2.

查克·诺里斯 didn't really tell Admiral Akbar about the trap.


当被问及他最喜欢的演员是谁,查克诺里斯回答说,“乔纳森泰勒托马斯从家里改进。等等,呃,我的意思是Arnold Schwarzenegger或者,呃,西尔维斯特斯莱昂!是的,他们是曼利对的吗?!“

查克·诺里斯 cried during The Notebook.

查克·诺里斯 Movie Facts

查克·诺里斯 tried to touch MC Hammer, but got burned.

查克·诺里斯 claims he is “Ms. New Booty.”

查克·诺里斯's rap career ended early when he found he couldn't find a rhyme for “Duck.”


查克·诺里斯 tattooed “No day butt today”在他的屁股上,部分是因为双关语,但主要是因为他喜欢“Rent.”

查克·诺里斯' iPod has “Princess”用swarofsky水晶写作。

查克·诺里斯 was once spit on by a camel. Chuck Norris then broke out in anger, singing “My Humps”在他的肺部顶部恢复尊严。

查克·诺里斯 once took a bite out of a Boy George vinyl and swallowed it.

查克·诺里斯 listens to Fall Out Boy and cries.

查克·诺里斯 Sports Facts

查克·诺里斯 and the Total Gym sold out for the same reason: they're both CHEAP.

在视频显示他嗅到足球运动员Jock肩带后,Chuck Norris在他的工作中被从他的工作中被解雇并被逮捕。他被一个名叫沃克的真正的德克萨斯州游乐师奇怪地被拘留了。

查克·诺里斯 watches the Olympics, but only for the pole vaulting competition, when he can be heard screaming “工厂杆和释放

在Pac-Man,Chuck Norris不会失去生命,他们只是继续喝咖啡休息时间。

查克·诺里斯 once took a spoon to the Super Bowl.


斯蒂芬霍金曾经在一场徒步的比赛中击败了Chuck Norris。

查克·诺里斯 folds pocket aces pre-flop.

查克·诺里斯 bet on Duke to win the National Championship. IN FOOTBALL.

查克·诺里斯 puts forth so much effort during a Total Gym demonstration that he actually shits his pants. Depends has been trying to get him to endorse their adult diapers for years.

查克·诺里斯 only started taking Karate lessons because his friends made fun of the fact that he went to Yoga classes on Tuesday and Thursday.

查克·诺里斯 once passed out during a marathon because his thick, award-winning whiskers were blocking air from entering his nasal cavity.

当Chuck Norris和Christy Brinkley制造全球商业广告时,Christy使用更高的环境。和他散发出来。

查克·诺里斯 throws with his right hand like I do with my left hand. I’m right-handed.

查克·诺里斯 Social Life Facts


查克·诺里斯 is trying to bring back the “范妮包.”

查克·诺里斯 clutches the hell out of his Coach bag.

查克·诺里斯最初是在第一个街头战斗机视频游戏中出现,直到游戏的生产者注意到,按下的每一个按钮都会导致圆形踢到脸部。当被问及毛刺时,查克诺里斯回答说,”What glitch?”

查克·诺里斯 refuses to put a song on his MySpace page until Wilson Philips' MySpace is no longer under construction.

查克·诺里斯 doesn’t believe in fairy tales. He thinks you should only find happy endings at the strip club.

查克·诺里斯 once tried to enter an Ugly Contest and was told, “对不起,没有专业人士。”

当Chuck Norris使用Verizon Wireless时,你现在听不到他的声音。

查克·诺里斯 is the only person with no matches on eHarmony.com.

查克·诺里斯 stayed in high school for 7 years until someone finally signed his yearbook.

查克·诺里斯 is the only man who can enter a strip club with $500 and leave with $500.

在Facebook上,Chuck Norris没有其他人标记的照片。

查克·诺里斯 is Jesus to mindless, trend-loving Americans. He even turns water into wine coolers.

查克·诺里斯 was in the Hitler Youth.

查克·诺里斯 lives on an island surrounded by a sea of his own tears.

查克·诺里斯 always pours his beer into a glass before drinking it. He giggles like a schoolboy when the glass produces head, then slurps it down like a fag.

查克·诺里斯 2006: Spin-kicks for Breast Cancer Research.

查克·诺里斯 once sent himself flowers on Valentine's Day to trick people into thinking he had a girlfriend. Too bad he signed the card, “From Chuck Norris.”

查克·诺里斯 gives all his friends back, sack and crack waxes. But he is very gentle with them.

查克·诺里斯 cried after 15 minutes on the IGN Vestibule.

查克·诺里斯 paid for a beer in a dirty glass with money out of his coin purse.

查克·诺里斯 does not sleep. He passes out after two wine coolers.

查克·诺里斯 has the ultimate World of Warcraft character! But he joins parties and leaves halfway through and always causes guild drama.

在学院的第一个晚上,查克诺里斯喝了一杯啤酒,普遍普遍。因此,这句话“chucking” was born.

查克·诺里斯 has no friends on MySpace.

查克·诺里斯和Latoya Jackson从未一起出现在一起并不愉快。

查克·诺里斯 goes to bars and slips roofies into his own dirty martinis in hopes of getting picked up.

查克·诺里斯 once went into a bar and was heard saying, “I’ll have a Mike’s Hard Lemonade.”

查克·诺里斯 TV Facts



查克·诺里斯 has been offered a role as “Drakger,德克萨斯州副手” in the new “Walker, Texas Ranger”展示。新节目将明星“Walker,” a bionic
一块金属“Dragger” uses to get around.

查克·诺里斯 is hung like Snuffleupagus, and only Big Bird can see it.

法国曾经向Chuck Norris展示过芝麻街的一集。他刚刚投降。

T Pities先生是傻瓜。查克诺里斯的PITITE T.

查克·诺里斯粉丝很沮丧,因为反查克诺里斯粉丝没有花费诙谐的篮板。他们只是记得闪烁“Walker, Texas Ranger”并欣赏成千上万的真实,有趣的事情,可以说Chuck Norris。例如,查克诺里斯是一位武术家,德克萨斯州戴着牛仔帽,运动姜胡须和紧身牛仔裤。


罗纳德里根没有心脏告诉查克诺里斯他的表演“Walker, Texas Ranger”是忘记的,所以罗纳德里根刚刚告诉世界,他有阿尔茨海默。

查克·诺里斯 always wears knee pads. When asked if they were for stunt purposes, Chuck Norris replied “sure.”

查克·诺里斯 fears the Care Bears, especially No Heart.

查克·诺里斯 has guest directed four episodes of Will and Grace. Before each episode, Chuck Norris requested that Grace be replaced by his friend,

查克·诺里斯 IS, “德克萨斯州沃克电力游侠。”

查克·诺里斯 hasn't completed a full roundhouse kick since 1998, when he tore his sack during a taping of “德克萨斯州沃克别墅。”

查克·诺里斯 quit his job working on Sesame Street after just 4 hours, claiming he was tired of “恐吓,骚扰和欺凌。”

查克·诺里斯's favorite Mario Kart character is Princess Peach. Princess Peach's favorite “Walker, Texas Ranger”角色是吉米特拉弗。

许多与Chuck Norris一起合作的特技师抱怨夹克Norris的诱惑太多了太多所谓的笑话“exchanging blows.”

在准备他未来的作用作为同性恋牛仔,一年的年轻杰克·吉隆加尔作为Chuck Norris的一套“德克萨斯州沃克别墅。”

查克·诺里斯 adopted a young black child so he could test out his racist jokes first.

查克诺里斯曾经是一个主题“奇怪的是直伙伴”布克克克。他哭泣的泪水哭泣,拍摄了那些拍摄了这一活动的Jean Cocteau,以及奥斯卡·王尔德,他为Norris的男子气概嗤之以鼻。

杰克鲍尔被忽视的话说对查克诺里斯, “让我们直截了当:你仍然有意识的唯一原因是因为我不想带你。”

查克·诺里斯曾经邀请回到他的高中毕业时发言。抵达时,尖叫,斯拉特,凯莉,丽莎和杰西说,“那不是Zack Morris,那就是查克诺里斯!”Belding先生将这个坏消息打破了Zack不会参加毕业的课堂上的课堂,然后向Chuck Norris交付了一个圆形的踢,并送他拘留。

查克·诺里斯 was in fact in a television show called “德克萨斯州沃克别墅。”


查克·诺里斯 Women Facts

查克·诺里斯 loves to strike up meaningless conversations with single mothers long enough to finish his Virginia Slim cigarette, put it out in the child's eye, and run away.

查克·诺里斯 gave Mona Lisa her smile. It happened when she saw Chuck naked.

查克·诺里斯是他曾经进行过循环踢的男人,并将地球的旋转轴线倒在一起,将时间和空间拉入一个黑洞,其中所有Chuck Norris粉丝都热切地填充了追溯到的希望早些时候他们实际上有机会得到一个

查克·诺里斯 gave his mom AIDS for Christmas.


查克·诺里斯' back is so hairy that even Persian women are turned off. But the men love it.

查克·诺里斯 once tried to get with Reese Witherspoon. She considered him “法律上的小水平。”

查克·诺里斯 really DOES know the meaning of “Just Say No,”因为他只是没有一直说…to women.


查克·诺里斯 has yet to find the G-spot. Scientists find it perplexing that Chuck Norris doesn't know his way around his vagina.

查克·诺里斯 lost custody of his children in an arm wrestling match with Bea Arthur.

查克·诺里斯曾经是一位女性东德射击推杆,名叫Berta Schultz。她笑着笑着像一个女孩那样扔掉。几个操作后来,Berta变成了卡盘。他/她每天都在羞耻。

查克·诺里斯 fears no man! Only women.

查克·诺里斯 was once heard saying, “男孩,我肯定希望Jessica Simpson有较小的山雀。”

查克·诺里斯 once heard a women screaming while being raped in a dark alley. When Chuck Norris approached, he gave the woman a roundhouse kick to

查克·诺里斯 has to wear a helmet to every meal, not because he is special, but because Christie Brinkley loses her temper when the airplane is not

查克·诺里斯 has been quoted as hitting on girls using the line, “如果木头夹在一起,木头夹头会把木头夹头夹在一起!”

查克·诺里斯 was born Chuck Stevens but took his wife's name when they were married.


查克·诺里斯 once had sex with a man, not because he was gay, but because he had run out of women. When he let the man come in his mouth, that was

查克·诺里斯’ wife was heard howling with laughter throughout the hotel on their honeymoon.

查克·诺里斯 uses 5 tampons a day. The heavy-duty kind.

关于Chuck Norris的更多信息:

查克·诺里斯 Fearers –从可怕的夹头粉丝的愤怒的帽子。
20个暧昧的查克诺里斯事实 –圆环有失去踢吗?
搬运,查克诺里斯 –嘲弄的未来前景。